I have always seen myself as a strong person, I have believed in self, trusted in self and now I am disappointed in self. How can I be justified for what I have done, it’s like asking to be acquitted of a crime when I know that I am not innocent. Of course nobody wants to hit the wall, but without God’s help we do hit the wall, and it’s only his grace and mercy that can make us stand again.
Breaking my covenant was quiet unintentional, and that is what scares me. The one thing that I’m really afraid of right now is honoring my vow. I am angry at myself and confused. Why do I always get into something I cannot have? I always end up causing myself excruciating pain. Every time I kill my flesh it keeps surfacing in many different directions. The problem is that every time that I try to do this in my strength, sin defeats me.
“LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart
and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman.”
( Ps. 15:1-3
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